Thursday, 9 March 2017
The Story of Phil Stanley
It was the best morning ever I was going to my favorite amusement park in the whole country. I was going to basketball world luckily it was right here in L.A but this time they added a new ride and it was based on one person named Phil Stanley. It was based on him because he had clean the amusement park for the last 20 years. He didn't just clean the park on his free time he would clean the forest right beside the park. This ride was based around a tree with a hand grabbing it from underneath. The new ride was amazing and meany people got inspired from Phil.
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nice story but just fix these errors
ReplyDelete- You need to indent
- double space after a period
-also no contractions
-also separate your story into paragraphs when a new thought or idea comes up
- I think you should change this sentence /This ride was based around a tree with a hand grabbing it from underneath./ to something like this /This new ride was based on a beautiful oak tree, with a hand grabbing it from underneath./ you should change it to something like that because then you give detail.
-also in our last sentence you wrote /meany/ I think you need to change it to /many/
overall nice story.