"Huuuuhh,” I sighed I had been in
the basketball court for 4 hours. I was practicing because I did like how I was
playing. So, I was going upstairs when I
heard a loud racket in my mom’s bedroom, I went to go see what it was. It
looked like a hideous zombie. I ran downstairs to get a knife just in case it attacks
me. I went towards it but when I looked at it put my back against it . As I
turned around, it had changed shape. I dashed toward it to stab the
creature but then it yelled, “Stop, it’s just me your dad,” my dad giggled. I
deeply exhaled in relief. It was just a prank.
In your first sentence you should take out the word the. Your not in the court. Or just add in the word room right after- in the court. So it goes like this. I sighed I had been in the court room for 4 hours.
ReplyDeleteor i can write basketball court
ReplyDeleteYou have a good story but when you wrote, I was not playing aggressive enough. I believe that it should be, I was not playing aggressively enough. It looked like a hideous zombie, I don't think you need the word hideous and your next sentence after that should be, just in case it attacked me, not just attacks.
ReplyDeleteAlso why would you go to the zombie backwards? Shouldn't you just be going towards it? Just, I went towards it.
But that was just my opinion.
in the beginning of your third sentence you don't need a comma after so,
ReplyDeleteon 'So, I was going upstairs when I heard a loud racket in my mom’s bedroom,' I think you should make that a full stop.
I don't understand this sentence: I went towards it but when I looked at it put my back against it